Michael Jackson Jokes
Q. Why did Michael Jackson rush over to Wal-Mart?
A. He heard that boys' pants were 1/2 off.
Q. What's the difference between a supermarket bag and Michael Jackson?
A. One is white, made of plastic, and should be kept away from small children. The other is used to hold groceries.
What did the woman on the beach say to Michael?
"Excuse me, but you're in my son"
What does Jackson have in common with whisky?
They both come in small tots
Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to begin training racehorses together?
A: Yeah, she's gonna do all the handicapping and he's gonna ride all the three-year-olds!
Q: Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
A: So his guests won't be accompanied by guardians!
Q:What's Michael's favorite Canadian TV show?
A:The Kids in the Hall.
Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.
Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!
Did you hear about Michael Jackson's toaster?
The bread goes in brown, and comes out white.
What does Michael Jackson call a circumcision?
Foreplay.
Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.
What does Michael Jackson reminisce about when he gets nostalgic?
Blowing his first nose.
Q: What's the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson?
A: Richard Pryor got burnt on coke, Michael Jackson got burnt on Pepsi!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.
Prince Michael Jackson, Jr. --- you know in a few years they'll probably change his name to:
The Child Formerly Known as Michael Jackson's Baby
Michael Jackson had a boy.
He also became a father!
What do Michael Jackson & Michael Jordan have in common?
They both play ball in the Minor League.
What's the difference between them?
One is in the Minors, the other is into Minors.
Why was Michael Jackson relieved of his Cub Scout Leader duties?
He was up to a pack a day.
What happens when Michael talks about sex?
It's all very tongue in cheek.
What does Michael have in common with NASA?
It's been 25 years since his first moon landing.
What do Michael's ass and an LA jail have in common?
Both hold the juice.
What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A Michael Jackson slumber party.
The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest.
How do we know Michael Jackson is ready to release another album?
He has a lot of stuff in the can.
What will they call Michael's new TV series?
Anus and Andy.
Why doesn't Michael sleep with boys anymore?
He's tired of all the cracks.
Did you know they're putting out a Michael Jackson stamp?
Fans get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.
Who's Michael Jackson's favorite poet?
Emily Dick in son.
What does Michael call an orgy?
A fruit salad.
What's the difference between Michael and a proctologist?
A proctologist doesn't pay for the assholes he's poked around in.
Why doesn't Michael have orgasms?
The big payoff comes a couple of months later.
Why has Michael been appearing on children's shows lately?
He has a lot to plug.
What's the worst stain to try to remove from a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's makeup.
Hear about the new "Michael Jackson" candy bar?
It's made from white chocolate, and contains no nuts.
Michael Jackson and Woody Allen on "Child Psychology":
"Spare the rod, and spoil the child."
What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
Got two fives for a ten?
What is Michael Jackson's Alma Matter?
Bring-em Young.
Why does Michael Jackson hide for a couple hours after one of his little friends leave?
It takes that long to get the bubble gum off his d*ck.
What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
Michael Jackson has had more noses.
What did Michael Jackson suffer from as a kid?
Clitoris envy.
Why did Michael invite MacCauly Caulkin to the house?
He's like the little boy he never had.
Why does Michael really need to go to rehab?
He's a crack addict.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?
"Little Boy Blew."
Did you know that Michael Jackson just turned 35?
Yeah, but he still feels like a 13 year old.
How did Michael get in trouble?
He was feeling a little Randy.
How is Michael dealing with his problems?
He's holding his own.
How are Michael's friends dealing with the problem?
They're all standing behind him.
How did Michael actually proposition the little boy?
It was just a slip of the tongue.
What's sex like for Michael?
Child's Play.
How is Michael now?
Feeling a little crotchety.
Hear about the new Michael Jackson doll?
It comes in a little can.
Why does Michael like children so much?
He knows how they feel.
What makes Michael Jackson so unique?
It's the little boy inside him.
How does Michael like to party?
He sips a couple of Tall Boys.
What's Michael's favorite snack?
Slim Jims.
What's Michael's favorite fast food?
Big Boys.
How do we know Michael is guilty?
Several children have fingered him.
Why is Michael so tough?
He can lick any kid on the block.
What's the new movie about Michael Jackson called?
"The Hand that Robs the Cradle."
McDonald's is bringing out a new burger ..."Micheal Jackson Burger"... It has 35 yr old meat inside 5 yr old buns.
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HORSE RACING JOCKEY AND MICHAEL JACKSON.
A JOCKEY CAN MOUNT 3 YEAR OLDS LEGALLY.
WHAT DID MICHAEL JACKSON SAY WHEN HE GOT BACK TO NEVERLAND RANCH FROM DRUG REHAB?
YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE A NEW BOY!
What are Michael Jackson's favorite sayings?
1) There's a sucker born every minute.
2) Kids do the darndest things.
3) Tricks are for kids.
What's Michaels' next movie?
Honey I Blew the Kid.
What's Michaels' favorite group?
New Kids on the Cock.
What do Michael and Gaylord Perry have in common?
Both have held lots of wet balls in their hands.
What's sex like for Michael?
Like candy from a baby.
What psychological problem does Michael still suffer from?
Anal retention.
What do Michael and Catholic school nuns have in common?
Both are a pain in the ass to kids.
What's the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?
Michael's been able to have kids.
What's Michael's favorite dish?
Creamed shrimp.
Why's Michael cutting down on public appearances?
He wants to spend more time with the kids.
How are Michael's friends like U.S. veterans?
They all get f**ked in the end.
How will they ensure that Michael gets a thorough body search?
Hire a Catholic priest to do it.
What will they call the upcoming movie about Michael Jackson?
"The African Queen."
How do we know Michael Jackson isn't really a virgin?
He's got children out the @ss.
Michael Jackson and Pee Wee Herman are have come out with a new video called... "I'll beat it for you."
Why did Michael Jackson want to join the Branch Davidians?
So he could be black again.
How does Michael Jackson resemble the Cincinatti Reds?
They're both whiter than they should be.