| Today we look at the lighter side of Viagra, the now famous impotency medication from Pfizer which makes men last longer (or last at all) and women much happier. Talk about a win-winproduct. The new name for it: "The Pfizer Riser!" |  |
Questions to Ponder about Viagra
If a man overdoses on Viagra, how do they get the casket lid shut?
If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before approving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use? A growth chart?
I dropped a Viagra in a jar of small sweet pickles last night and this morning had a jar full of big Kosher dills.
If I give my computer monitor Viagra, will the screen get bigger?
I would only take Viagra for intellectual purposes,so my head would swell.
Before Viagra, for some people, making love was classified as "assault with a dead weapon."
Viagra Falls, the new waterfall that flows upward.
Viagra, medicine's version of "MIRACLE-GRO."
Mix Viagra and Prozac and you have a guy who is ready to go, but doesn't really care where.
Are you taking Viagra or are you just happy to see me?
If however you do need to take Viagra, remember to swallow them quickly otherwise you'll get a stiff neck.
A shipment of Viagra was highjacked today. Police have put out an All-Points bulletin: Be on the lookout fortwo hardened criminals!
They will face a stiff sentence when convicted and they'll
surely be sent to a Penal Institution.
VIAGRA CAUSES PANIC
WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) -- Viagra, the new pill for impotence approved by the Food and Drug Administration on Friday, is already causing problems across the country. The FDA had said a man would need to by sexually aroused before the drug would work, but apparently failed to consider that most men walk around in a constant state of sexual arousal. Several disasters or near-disasters have already been reported:
* In Boise, a passenger plane skidded off the runway after the pilot's erection inadvertently hit the button that causes the landing gear to retract.
* In San Bernardino County, outside of Los Angeles, a 17-car pileup occurred when trucker Dirk Diggler apparently lost control of his rig, blocking his vision and causing him to also lose control of
his truck.
FDA Spokesperson Bonnie Thurston commented, "There's no limit to the damage that this pill could cause. We've got to make sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands, like President Clinton's, for example, of we could have a potential nuclear mistake."
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And the New Viagra SMILEY FACE :---)
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Dear Diary:
Day 1
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, HE locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2
Today he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I DON'T know! I mean, gimme a break. He's been dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS with a limp.
Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.
Day 4
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his "problem." It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He said, "this time, I'd rather not have your mother join us." (I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.)
Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. (No pun intended). Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. GET OVER YOURSELF! Not everything is about you!
Day 8
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker.
Day 10
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with Hard Cider! The photo of Janet Reno isn't working. What am I gonna do?
Day 11
The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is turning blue. The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet and he thought it was The Smurfs Do Denmark.
Day 12
I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with Black and Decker.
Day 13
I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep saying "fabulous" and still he keeps coming after me!
Day 14
Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missle. Let's hope he's like President Bush and pulls out in 100 days.
Day 15
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun. Now he tells me sister Wendy revs his motor.
Day 16
I may just have to kill him. Then he'll go out the way he wants to: stiff. With my luck, I won't be able to close the casket.