Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum. Does the weight include the rope tied around the possum's neck?

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? 66 Ford Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle, 64 Pontiac GTO. depends - which car was shot at the most when it was stolen?

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of moonshine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product? Moonshine needs to be condensed? Hic.....

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will it take to cut the trees? One six pack per person - when we run out, we'll get the moonshine from uncle Buck's still!

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer? The ozone what?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? What time does the porch collapse? Ol' pappy likes to spend "quality time" with two of them dawg's in the garage every nite! So, them dawgs will be safe. At any other time, all 16 dogs will be dead.

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land? Only if they have been divorced, twice, from their own siblings!

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic on secondary roads, what are the chances that it will strike a vehicle that has a muffler? 75%. 25% chances of hitting the cow before the vehicle.

9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift? A lot! It takes a whole loads of smoke to cover Uncle Buck's gas!!

10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer? 20 minutes after the news of the cow run down by an overloaded truck reaches the farmer.