Pregnancy Advice

Q) Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A) Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.

Q) What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A) Have sex once a year.

Q) What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A) For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q) I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A) With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q) How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A) If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q) My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this true?
A) The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

Q) Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A) Yes, your bladder.

Q) Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
A) Depends on what you're doing with them.

Q) The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A) Cause you're fatter then they are.

Q) What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?
A) Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q) Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A) In your breasts.

Q) Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A) Yes, baby lips.

Q) What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A) When you see teeth marks.

Q) Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A) Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

Q) Do I have to have a baby shower?
A) Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q) Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A) When the kids are in college