Application for Permission to Live in New Hampshire
NAME: _________________________________________________
ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary)
White ( )
TYPE OF CARS OWNED:
Pickup Truck ( )
You don't own any Foreign cars, do you? NO ( )
CAR EQUIPMENT:
Gun Rack ( ) Stash ( ) CB ( ) Beer Holder( )
Playboy air freshener ( )
BUMPER STICKERS:
"Ex-wife in trunk" ( )
"If Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Guns" ( )
"Bush/Quayle" ( )
"Shit Happens" ( )
"If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk" ( )
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual ( )
FAVORITE CAUSE: NRA ( ) Prolife ( )
Total given to these causes in the last 12 months: ________________
FAVORITE DRUGS:
Grass ( )
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?: (check all that apply)
Democrats ( ) Welfare ( ) N.O.W. ( )
FAVORITE BEER:
Miller ( ) Michelob ( ) Bud ( )
FAVORITE POLITICIAN:
Don't Care ( )
CLUB MEMBERSHIPS:
NRA ( )
How Automatic Weapons do you own? 5 ( ) 10 ( ) More than that ( )
FAVORITE TV SHOW: Benny Hill ( )
WEST VIRGINIA STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Name: (last) _____________
(first) (_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)
Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
CB Handle: _____________________
Occupation:
(_)Farmer
(_)Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Un-employed
(_)Coal Miner
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
___ Number of refrigerators on front porch
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup: _________
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide
(_)Soap Opera Digest
(_)Gun World
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Holidays
(_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)No teeth
(_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know
(_)can't get there from here
Reason for continued residence in West Virginia:
(_) can't bear to leave brother's behind
(_) daddy won't give me my pants back
(_) liberal wife beating laws
BUMPER STICKERS:
___ Eat more Possum ___ My other car is a piece of shit too
___ Honk if you love Jesus ___ If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't shit
___ Red-man Chewing Tobacco ___ Wave if you're horny
Favorite Recreation:
___ Square Dancin' ___ Possum Huntin' ___ Skinny Dippin'
___ Craw Daddin' ___ Gospel Singin' ___ 4-Wheelin'
___ Drankin' ___ Spittin' Backy ___ Bill Chip Trowin'
___ Honky Tonkin' ___ Noodlin' ___ Other
Number of Dogs: ___ Type: ___ Blue Tick ___ Beagle
___ Black & Tan ___ Bird Dawg
Cap Emblem: ___ John Deere ___ McCulloch Chain Saws ___ Budweiser
___ Vo-Tech ___ Skoal ___ Coors
___ NAPA ___ Smile if you're Not Wearing Underwear
Memberships:
___ KKK ___ NRA ___ Moose ___ PTL Club ___ AA
___ Bass Club ___ VFW ___ Quiltin' Bee ___ American Legion
___ United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy
___ John Birch Society
Medical Information:
Do you have at least two of the following:
___ B.O. ___ Crabs ___ Head Lice ___ Rabies
___ Trench Mouth ___ Runny Nose ___ Bad Breath ___ Chafing
APPLICATION TO LIVE IN ARKANSAS
Name:_______________________________________________________________
Nickname:___________________________ CB Handle:____________________
Address (RFD):______________________________________________________
Daddy (if unknown afix list of 3 suspects):_________________________
Neck colour:____ [] Light Red [] Medium Red [] Dark Red [] Other
Number of teeth exposed in full grin:_______ Upper:_____ Lower:____
Make of Pickup:_________________________ Tire Size:_________________
Hounds:_____________ Type: [] Blue Tick [] Beagle [] Black and Tan
Length of right leg:__________ Length of left leg:__________
other:_________
How many cars/makes in front yard? _________________________________
How many on blocks? ________________________________________________
How many kitchen appliances on front porch? ________________________
back porch? _________________________
When and where was your last "Elvis" sighting? _____________________
____________________________________________________________________
Do you wear mostly polyester pants with snags? [] Yes [] No
Are you married to any of the following? (circle all that apply)
-Sister -Cousin -Cousin's Sister
-Other, Explain:____________________________________________________
Have you EVER had more than one bath a week?
[] No [] Yes, Explain:___________________________________________
*Medical Information*
Do you have at least two (2) of the following: [] B.O. [] Lice
[] Crabs [] Bad Breath [] Hoof in Mouth [] Scabs [] Fleas
[] Infected Tatoos [] Crossed eyes [] Runny Nose [] Green Teeth
[] Yellow Teeth [] Any Teeth [] Speach Impediment
*General Information*
Can you count past 20 without stripping? [] yes [] no [] never tried
Favorite Weapon: [] Tire Iron [] Pick Handle
[] Log Chain [] Shotgun
Favorite Pastime: [] Drinkin' [] Coon Huntin'
[] Fishin' [] Fuedin'[] Other
Truck equipped with: [] Gun Rack [] Fuzzbuster [] 8-Track
[] Rebel Flag [] Roll Bar [] C.B. Radio
[] Beer Cans [] Squirrel Tail [] Bull Horns
Favorite Vocalist: [] Elvis (the young Elvis)
[] Elvis (the old Elvis)
[] Elvis (dead)
Cap Emblems: [] John Deere [] CAT [] SKOAL [] Budweiser
[] Bud Dry [] Jack Daniels [] Teamsters local
Merberships: [] NRA [] VFW [] KKK [] 700 Club
[] B.P.O.E. [] Sine-aid Society
Do you vote? [] Yes [] No [] What's that?
Have you ever been in jail? [] Yes [] No [] Born there
Your Signature (one X will do):____________________________Date:_____
Application to live in New Jersey
NAME:__________________________
NICKNAME:_____________________
ADDRESS: ______________________
EXIT #: ______________________
BACKYARD SMELLS LIKE:
a)Sewage
b)Sulfur
c)Garbage
d)All of the above
TOTAL # OF MUSCLE SHIRTS:
a)5 - 10
b)10 - 15
c)15 - 20
d)20 and above
# OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS:
a)5 - 10
b)10 - 15
c)15 - 20
d)20 and above
# OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS THAT ARE ALSO MUSCLE SHIRTS:
a)5 - 10
b)10 - 15
c)15 - 20
d)20 and above
BRAND OF JEANS PREFERRED:
a)Sergio Valente
b)Jordache
c)Sassoon
d)Z. Cavaricci
PERCENTAGE OF WARDROBE WHICH IS LEATHER:
a)100%
b)95-100%
c)90-95%
d)85-90%
TOTAL # OF GOLD CHAINS OWNED:
a)10 - 15
b)15 - 20
c)20 - 25
d)25 and above
# OF GOLD CHAINS WORN AT ONE TIME:
a)5 - 10
b)10 - 15
c)15 - 20
d)20 and above
APPROXIMATE VALUE OF ALL THIS JEWELRY:
a)$5 - $10
b)$10 - $15
c)$15 - $20
d)Stolen
NUMBER OF APPLICATIONS OF OBSESSION/POLO/DRAKKAR TO ACHIEVE DESIRED
EFFECT:
a)10 - 15
b)15 - 25
c)25 and above
GOLD CAP ON AT LEAST ONE TOOTH?
YES NO
HAIR HEIGHT:
a)6 - 8 Inches
b)8 - 12 Inches
c)1 - 2 feet
d)More than 2 feet
HAIR PRODUCTS USED AT ANY GIVEN TIME:
a) Hair Spray
b) Styling Gel
c) Mousse
d) Extra Hold Styling Gel
e) Bondo
f) Spackle
g) 40 Weight Oil
h) Crazy Glue
AUTOMOBILE OWNED:
a) IROC Z
b) Firebird
c) Camaro
d) Mustang
f) Chevette (You got a f#%*ing problem with it?)
NUMBER OF INCHES CAR IS OFF THE GROUND:
a)6 - 8 Inches
b)4 -6 Inches
c)2 - 4 Inches
d)Under 2 Inches
CHARACTERISTICS OF AUTOMOBILE:
a) Gold chain around license plate
b) Neon lights around license plate
c) Neon lights under car
d) Chippendales/Playboy air freshener hanging from rear view
mirror
e) Garter hanging from rear view mirror
f) Chrome hubcaps
g) Stick-on window tinting
h) Stick-on paint splash stickers
i) Fuzzy dice
FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM:
a) F#%*ing Giants
b) F#%*ing Jets
c) F#%*ing Mets
d) F#%*ing Yankees
e) F#%*ing Nets
f) F#%*ing Knicks
g) F#%*ing Devils
h) F#%*ing Rangers
i) F#%*ing Islanders
FAVORITE MUSIC:
a) Techno
b) Rap
c) Bon Jovi
d) Bruce Springsteen
ESSAY QUESTION:
In 100 words or less, define the term "Yoos Guys".