Confucious Says...

America good place to put chinese restaurants. 
baby ill-conceived in automatic car become shiftless bastard. 
baseball wrong---man with four balls cannot walk. 
before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter. 
better to sleep with chicken than to choke it. 
bird in hand make hard to blow nose. 
better to be pissed off than pissed on. 
boiling water, very hot! 
boy meet girl---girl get boy into pickle---boy get pickle into girl. 
boy and girl go camping together sure to have naughty intent. 
boy who diddle little girl do diddly squat. 
butcher who backs into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders. 
chemist who fall in acid, absorbed in work. 
crowded elevator smells different to midget. 
don't drink and park, accidents cause people. 
fly who rests on toilet seat gets pissed off. 
fool climb tree to find cherry---wise man spread limbs. 
foolish man give wife grand piano---wise man give wife upright organ. 
girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy. 
girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed. girl with bike peddle ass all over town! 
girl who sits on judges lap get honorable discharge. 
girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss. 
girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed. 
girl who sit on brother-in-law's knee, make hard for sister. 
girl who sit on jockey's knee get hot tip. 
girl who slide down banister nude get splinter by crackey! 
girl with back to fire warming whole of her body. 
girl's best asset is her `lie' ability. 
he who play with self pulls big boner. 
he who chase car will get exhausted. 
he who eat cookie in bed, will wake up feeling crumby 
he who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver. 
house without toilet is uncanny. 
if chain still swinging, seat will be warm. 
if you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented. 
if you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient. 
is good for girl to meet boy in park---much better for boy to park meat in girl. 
is good to learn how to masturbate---may come in handy! 
is OK for shit to happen---Shit will decompose. 
it take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it. 
it takes a square ass to shit bricks. 
keeping it in family sure sound incestuous. 
man should never straddle barbed wire fences. 
man trapped in pantry have butt in jam. 
man trapped in whore house get jerked around. 
man who abuse his computer get bad bytes! 
man have more hair on chest than woman---on the whole woman have more. 
man that have sex with hole in ground have piece on earth. 
man who bounce woman on bedspring this spring have offspring next spring. 
man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy. 
man who can bait hook without hooking finger, is a Master Baiter!! 
man who dates woman with flat chest---has right to feel low down. 
man who dream of eating giant mushroom---wake up with no pillow. 
man who drive like hell bound to get there! 
man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time. 
man who eat many prunes get good run for money 
man who eat pussy do lip service. 
man who fart in church sit in his own pew! 
man who fight with wife all day---get no piece at night! 
man who finger girl having period may get caught red handed. 
man who get paid pick up chick. 
man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag. 
man who go out with flat chested woman feel shallow. 
man who go to bed with diarrhea find himself in deep shit in morning. 
man who go to bed with itchy rear end wake up with smelly finger. 
man who go to bed with stiff problem---wake up with solution in hand. 
man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion! 
man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants! 
man who kisses girl behind---gets crack in face. 
man who lifts stones off woman get rocks off. 
man who live in glass house should get dressed in basement. 
man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no nukey! 
man who make love on ground have piece on earth. 
man who masturbate into cash register---soon come into money 
man who masturbate only screwing self. 
man who pee through screen door strain himself. 
man who piss into wind always get his own back 
man who pull out too fast leave rubber. 
man who pull out too soon get hit in rear end. 
man who put cock on stove have hot rod. 
man who read woman like book, prefer braille! 
man who run behind car get exhausted! 
man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. 
man who screw in graveyard is fucking near dead! 
man who sells Kotex, is crack salesman. 
man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink. 
man who sit on tack get point! 
man who stands on toilet is high on POT! 
man who stick dick in peanut-butter is fucking nuts! 
man who sucks nipples---make clean breast of things. 
man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out! 
man who walk through airport turnstile sideways bound to Bangkok. 
man with athletic fingers make Broad Jump! 
man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs. 
man with hand in pocket is having a ball. 
man with hands in pockets feels foolish, man with holes in pockets feels nuts. 
man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day! 
man with sex problems at night---wakes up with solution at hand. 
man with tool in woman's mouth, not necessarily a dentist. 
man who plays with titty gets bust in mouth. 
man who screws cook in pantry often gets ass in jam. 
never raise hands to angry child---it leave groin exposed. 
no difference between man and mouse---both end up in pussy. 
panties not best thing on earth---but next to it. 
passionate kiss like spider's web---soon lead to undoing of fly. 
Pentecostal who pass out get laid in church. 
put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock. 
rape is not possible because women with skirt up run faster than man with pants down. 
sailor who get discharged from Navy feel sad to leave buddies behind. 
secretary become permanent fixture when screwed on desk. 
seven days of honeymoon make one whole weak. 
short man who try to kiss tall woman get bust in mouth. 
squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts, man lay on crack and rock nuts. 
squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts. 
those who make love in strawberry patch have butt in jam. 
to prevent hangover stay drunk! 
to make egg roll, push it. 
virgin with thimble on finger never feel prick. 
virginity is like balloon---One prick and it's gone. 
war not determine who's right---war determines who's left. 
when baby cry, give bust in face. 
when lady say maybe, she mean yes. 
when lady say no, she mean maybe. 
when lady say yes, she no lady. 
wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. 
woman is like jazz music---3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time. 
woman who cook carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary. 
woman who eat banana get cream in mouth. 
woman who fly plane upside down have hairy crackup. 
woman who go to man's apartment for snack may get tit bit. 
woman who spend much time on bedsprings may have offsprings 
woman who turn back on lover get fucked over. 
woman who wear G-string, high on crack! 
woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky. 
women take to good hearted men. Also from. 
woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock. 
woman who put detergent on top shelf, Jump for Joy. 
woman who spend much time on bedspring have offspring. 
woman who turn back on lover get screwed over. 
woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky. 
woman with cold hands have fire under skirt. 
women fake orgasm, Men fake foreplay. 

Confucious say too damn much!