Things they will never say

THE LAST THING ANY MAN WOULD EVER SAY:

I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Her tits are just too big.
Sometimes I just want to be held.
That chick on Murder, She Wrote gives me a woody.
Sure I'd love to wear a condom.
We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask directions.

THE LAST THING ANY WOMAN WOULD EVER SAY:

Could our relationship be more Physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Hey, get a whiff of that one.
Please don't throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
This diamond is way too big.
I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
Wow, it really is 14 inches!
I'm wrong, you must be right again.
What do you mean today's our anniversary? 
Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV. 
Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small? 
Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there. 
I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress. 
Hey, pull my finger!