Indian Jokes
After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago. So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read:- "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibre, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."
One week later, the Indian press reported the following:- "After digging as deep as 500m, Indian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using mobile phones.
Balance
God was in the process of explaning the creation of the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates .........."Look everything should be in balance.
For example, after every 10 deers there should be a lion.
Look here my fellow angels,
Here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time,I have given them climatic extremes....
And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests.But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...
So fellows, everything should be in balance. One of the angels asked... "God,what is this extremely beautiful country here? " God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown jewel of all." INDIA", my most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....
The angel was quite surprised "But god you said everything should be in balance.
"God replied - "Look at the neighbours,I gave them."
Terms inside and outside India
1. Mother-in-law:
In India - A woman capable of making your life miserable.
Outside India - A woman you never fight with, because where else you will find such a dedicated baby sitter for free?
2. Husband:
In India - A boring human species, who listens more to his mother than you,and orders you around to serve him, his parents and siblings.
Outside India - Still boring, but now a useful human species that comes in handy when the house needs to be vacuumed.
3. Friend:
In India - A person whose house you can drop into any time of the day or night and you'll always be welcome.
Outside India - A person whom you have to call first to check and make sure he is not busy.
4. Wife:
In India - A woman who gives you your underwear and towel when you go to take a shower.
Outside India - A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take bath.
5. Son:
In India - A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market.
Outside India - A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn.
6. Daughter:
In India - A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes during her marriage.
Outside India - A lovely doll, who brings you to tears long before her marriage.
7. Father:
In India - A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed.
Outside India - A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition.
8. Indian Engineer:
In India - A person with a respectable job and earning lots.
Outside India - A person without a secure job, who always dreams one day he will be rich.
9. Doctor:
In India - A respectable person with OK income.
Outside India - A money making machine, who has a money spending machine at home called "doctor's wife".
10. Bhangra:
In India - A vigorous Punjabi festival dance.
Outside India - A dance you do, when you don't know how to dance.
11. Software Engineer:
In India - A high-tech guy, always speaks in American accent, always anxious to queue in the consulate visa line.
Outside India - The same hi-tech guy, who does Ganapati Puja everyday, and says 'This is my last year in the US (or wherever)' every year.
12. A Green Card holder bachelor:
In India - the guy can't speak Hindi, parents of good looking girls are dying to hook him, wears jacket in summer, says he has a BMW back there.
Outside India - the guy can't speak proper English, wears jacket all the time,works in a Candy store at Manhattan, dreams of owning a BMW.