Mike Tyson Jokes

The Top 15 New Problems for Mike Tyson 

15 Fight controversy may adversely affect pro wrestling career. 
14 Upcoming TV special with Martha Stewart in doubt. 
13 That constant ringing in his mouth. 
12 Spock vs. Tyson bout hastily cancelled. 
11 Can't decide between the Crest & Tom's of Maine endorsement deals. 
10 Kids really start to freak out whenever he tries to play "Got Your Nose." 
09 New nickname of "Nipsy" less intimidating than "Iron Mike." 
08 Has absolutely no idea how to handle his next opponent Vinny "No Ears" Bottatucci. 
07 Nobel people called -- they want their peace prize back. 
06 Bite some guy's ear off and Ozzy Osbourne won't stop pestering you to go for a drink. 
05 Willing opponents now down to Vincent Van Gogh and J.Paul Getty, Jr. 
04 Don King, fearing a loss of credibility, ups commission from 98 to 99% 
03 ASPCA has yet to approve match with Marmaduke. 
02 He's starting to make O.J. look respectable. 

and the Number 1 New Problem for Mike Tyson... 

01 Recurring fantasies about Ross Perot and Prince Charles 

One-Liners 

What do Poison Ivy, Cheyenne Hot Chilly Pepper and Dog Shit have in common? 
- They are items in increasing order that would win a fight with Mike Tyson if rubbed on ones ear.
( Conan O' Brian Show ) 

What do Mike Tyson call middle-weight boxers? 
-Lean Meat ( Jay Leno Show ) 

Tyson may have bit off more than he can chew. 

Evander Holyfield's new nickname: Evander "the Real Meal" Holyfield (the other dark meat). 

After the fight Tyson was quoted as saying: "He tastes like chicken." 

After the fight, when asked if he would press charges Evander Holyfield said, "What? What?" 

Tyson: "I swear to Allah, during a clinch he said 'bite me'". 

Tyson called me after the fight. He couldn't stop talking about it. I thought he'd chew my ear off." 

Stay tuned for Holyfield/Tyson III on Pay Per Chew. 

Hey already have a new Holyfield doll---with a detachable ear. 

Being the fine Christian man that he is, Holyfield turned his other ear. 

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight? 
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!! 

Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off,he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didn't say two! 

Evander after the fight,"Maybe I shouldn't have told him to 'Bite Me'" 

Tyson's favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS. 

New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!! 

They are making a new boxing term for Tyson....instead of KO, it will be a Van Gogh. "Evander was Van Gogh'd in the third!!!" 

Can't beat um...Eat um!!!! 

If Tyson fights Golatta,is it more points for a low blow or an ear bite? 

In this corner Evander "the Real Meal" Holyfield!!!!!!! 

Before the fight, Mike's trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice. 


Proposed slogans for Holyfield-Tyson III: 

10. The third Gogh around 
9. Dahmer vs. Psalmer 
8. The last supper 
7. Ear-reconcilable differences 
6. Grazing Bull 
5. You wanna piece of me? 
4. Blood, Sweat and Ears 
3. Lobe's labor lost 
2. Bite of the century 
1. Why? Because I lobe it 

USA Today's published a of headlines gathered by the Associated Press which captured 
the "flavor" of the evening. 

A Bad Bite for Boxing -- The News & Observer of Raleigh. 
Twice Bitten -- Times-Picayune of New Orleans. 
Bite of the Century! -- Arizona Republic. 
Bite Night -- Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader. 
Tyson's Tasteless Tactics: Bite Night -- The Record of Hackensack, N.J. 
Reality Bites -- Times Union of Albany, N.Y. 
Did Tyson Bite Off More Than He Can Chew? Time Will Tell Salt Lake Tribune. 
Tyson Subject of Biting Criticism -- The (Baltimore) Sun. 
Biting Commentary -- The Boston Herald. 
Tyson Bites the Dust, Holyfield -- Huntsville (Ala.) Times. 
Holyfield May Take a Bite Out of Tyson -- The Indianapolis Star. 
Holyfield Can't Stay Unbitten as Heavyweight -- Sun-Sentinel,Fort Lauderdale, Fla. 
Earmarks of cowardice -- Houston Chronicle. 
Earmark of an eerie night -- The Atlanta Journal 
A two-bit bout: Holyfield wins -- Kansas City Star. 
From Champ to Chomp -- The Herald-Sun of Durham, N.C. 
The Champ and the Chomp -- The Jersey Journal. 
Holyfield Still Chomp-ion -- San Francisco Examiner. 
Heavyweight Chomp -- Philadelphia Inquirer. 
Undisputed Chomp -- USA Today. 
World Chomp -- The Sun (London). 
Requiem for a Chompion -- Philadelphia Daily News. 
Sucker Munch -- The Sun (London). 
Biting Back: Evander has public's ear -- Daily News, New York. 
Toss Tyson Out on Ear -- Daily News, New York. 
Ear Flap -- Newsday. 
Ears Have It! Evander Wins -- Montgomery (Ala.) Advertiser. 
Tyson's Behavior Hard to Swallow -- Providence Journal-Bulletin. 
Dracula -- New York Post. 
Champ Chewing Over Legal Options -- New York Post. 
It's Tyson's Nature to (Ch)eat -- New York Post. 
For Tyson, Tooth Hurts -- New York Post. 
Now Ear This: Rematch is Possible -- New York Post. 
Lobe Blow for Boxing -- The Tennessean. 
Iron Mike Goes Down Biting -- The Sunday Oklahoman. 
Tyson Doesn't Gnaw What's Next -- The Daily Oklahoman. 
Ear of Scorn -- Kansas City Star. 
Pay Per Chew -- Philadelphia Daily News. 
Holyfield Lends Ear as Tyson Self-Destructs -- Arkansas 
Democrat-Gazette. 
Ear-Responsible -- Fort Worth Star-Telegram. 
Tyson Scars Face of Boxing -- The Guardian (London).