Signs that you are too drunk

• You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 
• You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 
• Job interferring with your drinking. 
• Your docter finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 
• Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes. 
• The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 
• Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 
• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not! 
• Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem! 
• You can focus better with one eye closed. 
• The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. 
• You fall off the floor... 
• Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. 
• Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! 
• Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you 
• At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..." 
• Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 
• You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. 
• The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in... 
• Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive. 
• Roseanne looks good. 
• Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass. 
• Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you. 
• I'm as jober as a sudge. 
• You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki. 
• The shrubbery's drunk too from frequent watering.